“I Like Big Hoops!” – A “Baby Got Back” Parody

July 24, 2014 Caroleeena HoopdanceHoopingPoetry

star-tribune-hula-hoops

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her hoop.
It is so big. [scoff] It looks like,
one of those exercise hula hoops.
But, you know, who understands those exercise hoops? *scoff*
They only use them, because,
they’re like, totally easy, ‘kay?
I mean, her hoop, is just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like,
out there, I mean – gross. Look!
She’s just so … blech!

[Dame Hoops-a-Lot]
I like big hoops and I can not lie
You other hoopers can’t deny
That when a hooper walks in and the space is graced
With round hoops in your face they get swung!
Wanna pull out your bluff, pretending my hoop’s not tough
I’m hooked! Don’t be over-bearing
My hoop must just be scarin’!
Oh baby, I wanna hoop wit’ you
And take my picture
Other hoopers try to scorn me
But this hoop I got makes them sound corny
Ooh, spin around a’gin!
Ya think I care ’bout yo trend?
I’ll, use she, use she
‘Cause her slow jam is just groovy
I’ve seen them dancin’
Slow spin romancin’
No threat, yet,
Holding court like a Baronet
I’m tired of casualties
Of “Small hoops are the thing!”
Take the average hooper and ask her that
We gotta stop that flack!
So, hoopers! (Yeah!) Hoopers! (Yeah!)
Has your big hoop got the stuff? (Hell yeah!)
Then shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that happy butt!
Turn up that track!

(Smiling face and a happy booty)
(Smiling face and a happy booty)
Turn up that track!
(Smiling face and a happy booty)
(Smiling face and a happy booty)

I like ’em round, and big
And when I’m throwin’ a gig
I just can’t help myself, I’m hoopin’ like an animal
Now here’s my scandal
I wanna get them home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain’t talkin’ bout kid’s toys
‘Cause big hula hoops are made for joys
I want ’em real thick and juicy
Make that some juicy doubles
Small’s too much trouble
Beggin’ for a piece of that Hubble
So I’m lookin’ at hoop videos
High-speed gizmos spinnin’ at shows
You can have them gizmos
I’ll keep my big hoops and slow flow!

A word to my hoop soul sisters, Ain’t tryin’ a diss ya
Won’t cuss or shit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna HOOP
Till the break of dawn!
Got it goin’ on
Non-hoopers won’t get this song
‘Cause these hips like to hit it and get it
And sometimes laze and play
‘Cause I’m long, and I’m strong
And I’m down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna rock this Mercedes {Hell Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Every hooper has got to shout
Turn up that track!
Turn up that track!

Yeah, baby … when it comes to circles, peer pressure ain’t got nothin’
to do with my selection. 34-28-24? Ha ha, only if they’re minis.

So your hoop comes to your belly, and you think it’s a Pirelli,
But Pirelli cain’t put a motor in the back of this jelly
I choose to swing a great big one
Because I rock buns, hun
I can use those twins or minis,
But I just won’t go too skinny
Some brothers wanna play poly pro
And tell me that my hoop can’t flow
I just toss ’em and leave ’em
Those opinions I just don’t need ’em
Some hoopers may call these fat
Well I ain’t down with that!
‘Cause my waist can haul and these curves are kickin’
And I’m rockin’ the trickin’
To the new hoopers who intervene
And call big hoops obscene
I rock a big twister, I can’t resist her
She’s my number one A-lister
So nipple height I insist
Now let’s just coexist
Cuz I’m not right and you’re not wrong
We just want to dance to our song
So ladies, if your hoop is round,
And you tear it up and throw down,
Dial 1-900-KIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Turn up that track!

Turn up that track!
(Little in the middle but she got much back)
(Little in the middle but she got much back)
(Little in the middle but she got much back)
(Little in the middle but she got much back)
– Caroleeena, July 24, 2014

hoop parody songI like big hoopspoem


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